Thursday, March 01, 2007

Living under the Open Sky

Chock full of morals!
Bad Short Story Papers

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Anonymous Skullturf Q. Beavispants said...

Upon reading that opening paragraph, my first thoughts were "Yes, I too have heard the song 'Even Flow' by Pearl Jam." Notice how it's written in the same third-person style with the nameless protagonist.

Also, LOL @ "on a trip of coke". Seeing those words in that order made me think that either (1) Author is trying way too hard, (2) Author has led a very sheltered life, or (3) Author is over the age of 70.

2:06 AM  
Anonymous Stormy said...

Gee, Author! Thanks to this powerfully-written literature, I now know that coke is bad! I never would have known, otherwise. Where would I be without you, Author?

8:20 PM  
Anonymous dana khan said...

Does this paper continue? I can't figure out where the hell Sister Catherine came from.

I feel like this is a pre-med kid from Midland who is deathly afraid of 'loud rap music' (and/or homeless people). This paper is his attempt to convince himself that studying every night will make him a better person, not that tempting box of the Franz.

Oh, and he should probably wikipedia cocaine sometime so that when he chooses to describe its side effects, he actually gets them right.

11:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I quite enjoyed it.

Now we just need chapter two...

Ha, and yeah, I was waiting for the coke (the cola) joke...

2:31 AM  
Blogger AHFB said...

Unfortunately, no, this paper does not continue. English 223 classes usually have a "write three short story beginnings and bring them to class" assignment, so I'm guessing that's what this is.

I really hope this isn't supposed to stand as a short story.

There is, however, a possibility that this is supposed to stand as a "short short" story: one that usually is around the 300 word mark.

2:42 AM  
Blogger AHFB said...

Skullturf: Everyone knows that seeing a homeless man on the street and considering his feelings for a second means that you then have license to write great stories from their perspective. You know it. I know it. Pearl Jam knows it.

2:57 AM  
Blogger AHFB said...

Take Everlast for example. He was born in Valley Stream New York (median household income: 94k) and knows all about "That kid named Max [who] used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs"

3:07 AM  
Blogger claude said...

Have you read Will Ferguson's Happiness?

I particularly enjoyed the plaintive and guileless "It was of no use."

5:30 AM  
Anonymous Allie said...

Thanks to the wisdom of this story, I will remember my DARE lessons and avoid all drugs, including Tylenol, like the plague. And I will become a nun like Sister Catherine so I too can help the world in my own way. Thanks, author!

11:45 AM  
Anonymous dana khan said...


While I do see your point (and have often found myself frustrated with kids who talk out their ass about 'the real world'), I don't think the median income of your hometown necessitates an ignorance about pressing societal issues. There's correlation but not causation.

Then again, a lot of kids think they have it rough because they have no social perspective on what rough is. This, unfortunately, is why artists like Radiohead, Nick Drake, and [pretty much anything Zach Braff listens to] have huge followings. But you can't change that. It's human nature to be kind of emo and self-pitying.

Bah. It's just so obvious when people have no idea what they're talking about.

12:26 PM  
Blogger AHFB said...

I was just using median income to try and estime the kind of neighborhood the guy came from. And while it's not an indicator about awareness of social issues, if you're a freshman and you just cane from a sheltered life (not to say median income is related to shelterness, blah blah blah), you probably aren't licensed to write about drugs unless you do some research.
Yeah though, I really don't know much about Everlast though.

Also, haven't read "Happiness"

4:47 PM  
Anonymous iheartrockwell said...

Homeless people have feelings, too.

7:28 PM  
Anonymous dana khan said...

Things I know about Everlast:

1. Jump Around
2. He had a huge heart attack
3. Most of his CDs have "white" or a variation of it in the title
4. Jump around! Jump around! Get up get up get up get down!

1:16 AM  

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