Thursday, March 08, 2007

Unemployed: A story in two parts

Yet another short story with a horrible plot.

deus ex machina

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Anonymous dana khan said...

Your velocity joke was amazing for two reasons:

1. I'm an engineer.
2. It reminded me of "They Shall Know our Velocity!" and there's a part where Eggers, Mr. McSweeney's, bitches out mundane writers like this.

God this writer is deep. She really taught me a lesson with this story.

3:39 PM  
Blogger whit said...

man, this story was amazing. the author is very dramatic. love the cliff hanger! i wish there was more bg though ;)

[i also really liked the velocity joke :)]

3:44 PM  
Anonymous Mer said...

Between velocity and Parliament, this was the best Fishbowl ever!

5:49 PM  
Anonymous Allie said...

There are certain nauseating Creative Writing elements that were thankfully left from this draft. Firstly, the protagonist wasn't described as a beautiful but tragically misunderstood 21- to 28-year-old college grad with curly blonde hair and perfect make-up.
Also, the man next to her wasn't described as an older sort of man, but well-dressed and handsome despite his years.
No one got raped.
No one's long-lost father came back.
This story could've been a lot worse!
The classic pitfall of setting the story in Manhattan is pretty bad, though.

7:16 PM  
Anonymous Klumpig said...

Ok, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I've just been an inconsiderate ass for years, but...usually, when I see a paper get left behind, I don't assume that the person who left it forgot it. Or that they really care.

Or should I start running after all the people that leave their Dailys lying about?

7:58 PM  
Blogger whit said...

i think the daily is a little different, klumpig, as most people who pick it up look at the pictures then rip out the crossword and discard it.

9:20 PM  
Anonymous Klumpig said...


8:22 AM  
Blogger Joel said...

I know this was just a story, but it annoys me when people blame technology for their own ineptitude. Don't tell me your alarm clock didn't go off cause I know it did!

As an electrical engineer, had to get that off my chest. :)

12:46 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

I actually like the "until today" kind of cliffhanger in general, though it didn't really do anything in this story, seeing as it was already explicit that the chick was getting fired.

They can work, however.

9:22 PM  
Blogger Elise said...

I don't think the author of this story has actually ever ridden in a Manhattan subway.

3:02 AM  

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