Sunday, May 06, 2007

Cletus (pages 1-7)

A lazy story devoid of a plot other than the fact that the mother is fat and that angers Cletus. Despite my claims of "foreshadowing!" I haven't read any further than these seven pages (of fourteen twelve) so get your own predictions in now.

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Found right on top of a Fishbowl scanner, already stapled and inside a bluebook.

Mirror:
southern sterotypes

32 Comments:

Blogger AHFB said...

My own prediction: Cletus finds some sort of improvised weapon on the way home and uses it to kill his mother in a battle that takes up three pages.

I sense that Author has major resentment towards his/her own mother.

3:06 AM  
Blogger AHFB said...

edit: I looked ahead and turns out it's only twelve pages total despite what I thought I remembered.

3:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found myself oddly intrigued by this story...
I can't even imagine what will happen next...

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"career in academia"? For a high schooler?

Obviously the mother sabotaged his applications because she wants him at home to help her. But maybe she'll accidentally kill him when they fight, for irony of course.

12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's so bad I can't look away...

3:36 PM  
Blogger Sunny said...

i've never laughed so hard...can't wait till the next bit

9:52 PM  
Anonymous iheartrockwell said...

i like how the author uses words like "harpy" and "balderdash" to make cletus sound super smart. who actually talks like that and uses those words in their thoughts?

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

^^
Apparently, super-smart albeit misunderstood offspring of fat, smelly mothers from Virginia.

11:22 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

...was at "it's" zenith...

*cringe* :P

11:54 AM  
Anonymous Klumpig said...

I also predict that the mother has been messing around with his acceptance letters and the man's going to go buck nutty.

If that woman is really that fat and inanimate, I struggle to believe that Cletus couldn't take her. Clearly he lacks extracurriculars in the way of sports.

6:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not going to lie, USC is kind of unorganized with their accept/decline letters. I bet the author got rejected by all the schools mentioned.

11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nobody calls them stories. Ever.

12:32 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oh man, that was my favorite post to date! Cletus is quite the character... I can't wait for installment #2!

5:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Oh, yes, there will be blood."

Keep the stereotypes coming, author!

10:12 PM  
Blogger Irisi said...

Oooh Cletus is soo dreamy.

I'm kidding.


Prediction: Super smart woe-is-me Cletus kills his mother and runs away to start a better life. Or he goes on some sort of rampage, and we all comment and suggest that ahfb reports the author to the University Counsling Services.

Also, more big words and poor grammer! And sterotypes galore!

4:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This story is a rip off of the Neon Bible, which, incidentally, was also written by a teenage boy with possible mother issues. And while it is clear how this fine example of Michigan scholarly innovation is going to end, I think it would be very funny if Robert E. Lee Forester’s (trite) father was really Flint Marko, and his cousin is Harry Osborn. Spiderman villains for foreshadowing? Ech.

12:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I shall go and get some more he said." - Cletus gets the sudden urge to narrate his own pitiful life.

6:12 PM  
Blogger AJ Chase said...

I call them stories.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Katherine said...

AFHB-

This story is one of the best posts on your blog, apart from "The Carribean!" and "Swedish and American Hygiene".

I hope that whoever wrote this masterpiece gets inspired and decides to write another installment. And I hope he leaves it lying around the Fishbowl so that we can laugh, laugh, laugh!


I'm sorry. Was that cruel?

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