Cletus (pages 1-7)
A lazy story devoid of a plot other than the fact that the mother is fat and that angers Cletus. Despite my claims of "foreshadowing!" I haven't read any further than these seven pages (of fourteen twelve) so get your own predictions in now.
Found right on top of a Fishbowl scanner, already stapled and inside a bluebook.
Mirror:
Found right on top of a Fishbowl scanner, already stapled and inside a bluebook.
Mirror:
posted by AHFB at 2:59 AM
31 Comments:
My own prediction: Cletus finds some sort of improvised weapon on the way home and uses it to kill his mother in a battle that takes up three pages.
I sense that Author has major resentment towards his/her own mother.
edit: I looked ahead and turns out it's only twelve pages total despite what I thought I remembered.
I found myself oddly intrigued by this story...
I can't even imagine what will happen next...
"career in academia"? For a high schooler?
Obviously the mother sabotaged his applications because she wants him at home to help her. But maybe she'll accidentally kill him when they fight, for irony of course.
It's so bad I can't look away...
i've never laughed so hard...can't wait till the next bit
i like how the author uses words like "harpy" and "balderdash" to make cletus sound super smart. who actually talks like that and uses those words in their thoughts?
^^
Apparently, super-smart albeit misunderstood offspring of fat, smelly mothers from Virginia.
...was at "it's" zenith...
*cringe* :P
I also predict that the mother has been messing around with his acceptance letters and the man's going to go buck nutty.
If that woman is really that fat and inanimate, I struggle to believe that Cletus couldn't take her. Clearly he lacks extracurriculars in the way of sports.
I'm not going to lie, USC is kind of unorganized with their accept/decline letters. I bet the author got rejected by all the schools mentioned.
Nobody calls them stories. Ever.
Oh man, that was my favorite post to date! Cletus is quite the character... I can't wait for installment #2!
"Oh, yes, there will be blood."
Keep the stereotypes coming, author!
Oooh Cletus is soo dreamy.
I'm kidding.
Prediction: Super smart woe-is-me Cletus kills his mother and runs away to start a better life. Or he goes on some sort of rampage, and we all comment and suggest that ahfb reports the author to the University Counsling Services.
Also, more big words and poor grammer! And sterotypes galore!
This story is a rip off of the Neon Bible, which, incidentally, was also written by a teenage boy with possible mother issues. And while it is clear how this fine example of Michigan scholarly innovation is going to end, I think it would be very funny if Robert E. Lee Forester’s (trite) father was really Flint Marko, and his cousin is Harry Osborn. Spiderman villains for foreshadowing? Ech.
"I shall go and get some more he said." - Cletus gets the sudden urge to narrate his own pitiful life.
I call them stories.
AFHB-
This story is one of the best posts on your blog, apart from "The Carribean!" and "Swedish and American Hygiene".
I hope that whoever wrote this masterpiece gets inspired and decides to write another installment. And I hope he leaves it lying around the Fishbowl so that we can laugh, laugh, laugh!
I'm sorry. Was that cruel?
il9Jfl Your blog is great. Articles is interesting!
bgAabH Nice Article.
ZrRMZA Thanks to author.
Hello all!
Good job!
Hello all!
Magnific!
Wonderful blog.
Nice Article.
actually, that's brilliant. Thank you. I'm going to pass that on to a couple of people.
hVY9zH Thanks to author.
Thanks to author.
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